


Phases

by mylittlecthulhu (marineko)



Series: Red Shift [21]
Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 02:22:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17034680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marineko/pseuds/mylittlecthulhu
Summary: The last RedShift story, a standalone Juntoshi.Phases: (1) stages in a series of events or in a development process, (2) any of the varying appearance of a celestial body as different parts of it are seen.





	Phases

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sesquerdo](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=sesquerdo).



No one was talking about it. It was in everyone’s mind, Jun knew, but no one was talking about it. It was the first time something like that had happened to them, and it seemed to be the silent rule that they were just going to ignore it, for the most part. They would deal with the backlash, professionally – Sho was already at it, handling the situation more smoothly than the panicked managers, and working with them, and An-chan, about press releases – but personally, no one was saying anything.

It was probably better that way. No judging, no arguments relating to their personal lives.

And yet, if it was Sho or Aiba, he knew that Nino – or himself – would throw a fit.

It stung, the notion that he was expected to be calm about it, that he was supposed to put aside his own feelings about the matter in order to attend to the band. It was, Jun supposed, the bigger picture. No matter what else happened, there would be RedShift. He wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, really. And yet –

He took a deep breath, and turned off the running tap before him. Stared at himself in the mirror; nothing was revealed.

Outside, the other three, and their manager, and Sho’s manager, were waiting.

Ohno was nowhere to be found.

})i({ 

_“I’m home.”_

_Silence. Jun hadn’t really expected Ohno to be back, but he had hoped. Their schedule was getting crazier by the day. He had thought that they could relax more once Sho had let go of his solo career to focus on RedShift, and the rest of them no longer had to work around Sho’s schedule. What had happened instead was them being booked into more appearance, whether as guests in television shows, or holding small lives, or sitting through interviews. All of that while spending long hours in the studio in between, writing or perfecting new songs, and choosing the ones to make it for their upcoming EP._

_They’ve started to separate, and had solo work every now and then – especially for Jun and Sho – so there were days when they hardly saw each other._

_Jun was glad, then, that he already lived with Ohno, and that Nino and Aiba’s apartment wasn’t too far away. Except that Aiba was almost always at Sho’s these days, and Nino never answered the door when he was in the middle of a game._

_So, it was becoming almost routine for him to arrive home late at night, and find that there was no one home. He was busier than Ohno, but Ohno spent more of his free time going out, mostly to his friends’ lives, or just drinking with his ex-band mates. Ohno had been in a lot of groups before settling with RedShift._

_RedShift was Jun’s first, and probably only, musical endeavor. He had never thought of music as something he wanted to do for a living, until he met Aiba. He loved it, but it had seemed too impractical then, and required too much effort. There were too many musicians in Tokyo, and he wasn’t about to join the mass of guys he saw all the time coming in and out of the store where he had worked, always with a guitar on their back and a shine in their eyes, thinking they were going to make it big one day. He remembered most of them, and none of them had ever made it. Then Aiba walked in through those same doors, with the same shine and so much enthusiasm that Jun couldn’t help but get carried along._

_That had been a long time ago._

_Walking in without flipping on the light switch, Jun dumped his bag on the sofa, and was surprised to hear the soft “oompf” sound emanating from it. “Oh-chan?”_

_Only a grunt in reply. But Ohno turned, and Jun’s bag fell to the floor. Jun didn’t mind, going closer to sit where one of Ohno’s ankles dangled off the sofa. “Have you been drinking?”_

_Another grunt. Jun wasn’t sure if Ohno was even awake, when one of Ohno’s hands came up to grab at his wrist, and pull him closer. He breathed in, and true enough, he could smell that Ohno had been drinking, but more than that was another scent, one that made him draw back._

_“Ohno,” he said, carefully. “Were you out with a girl?”_

_Ohno’s reply was low, and mumbled. “It’s just Sheri.”_

_Sheri was Ohno’s senior in high school, and had been in a very popular all-girl punk band. She had quit, though, and now owned Ozeki’s, the live house that Ohno and Aiba frequented. Jun nodded, although he had met Sheri before, and was pretty sure that she didn’t wear such a heady, floral perfume. “I’m going to bed.”_

_“Stay with me,” Ohno said, in another low mumble. Jun was tired, and thought that he should just ignore Ohno, but something made him stay, as he let Ohno pull him back down._

_“Is everything okay?” he asked, not really comfortable, as their sofa wasn’t really made for a grown man to sleep in, let alone two – but unwilling to withdraw himself from Ohno’s warmth._

_“I just want to be with Jun,” Ohno replied, coherent this time around. Jun felt heat rising to his neck, to his cheeks, and he closed his eyes, ignoring the smell lingering on Ohno’s shirt._

})i({ 

Things were going to be okay, he kept telling himself. Sho would take care of things, they weren’t idols or even that popular to begin with, the only reason the media actually paid attention to them was because of Sho… reasons and excuses kept coming and going in his head, while he ignored the one thing that remained throughout.

“Are you okay, Jun-kun?” Sho asked, concerned, when he stepped out of the washroom. He wanted to snap back, to say that of course he wasn’t okay, there was nothing that was okay about the whole situation, and why was it that everyone were taking things so well? 

“I’m fine,” he replied shortly. “There’s no need to worry about me.”

Sho’s eyes on him were narrowed, and sharp. “Is that what you think?”

Jun sighed. “I’m not an idol,” he said. “I’m not you. This will blow over.”

Aiba was looking between them, a frown creasing his forehead. It didn’t suit him, and Jun felt a pang of guilt for putting it there. “I’m sorry.”

“You’d better be,” Nino piped up from behind them. He sounded grim, but he was flipping through a magazine like nothing was bothering him at all. He pointedly avoided looking at Jun as he turned to their manager. “Do we really need to be here right now? If we don’t have work, _I want to go home_.”

})i({ 

_Being an idol-turned-musician, Sho received a lot of attention, and received a lot of requests for solo interviews, even within RedShift. This hadn’t surprised the rest of them, and they were quite content to let him be their spokesperson – but it soon became apparent that Jun was gaining more and more attention as their main vocalist. It was a development that they hadn’t really thought about, and for a long time the rest of them watched anxiously to see if Jun was capable of handling all the sudden attention._

_Jun became a little more withdrawn, and it was harder for him to relax in a crowd than before, but he didn’t think he had changed as much as Aiba told him he had. There were nights when he felt like he had to get away from it all, but instead of going out to bars or partying with his old crowd, he was starting to see more of his old friends – the ones from before RedShift. The only thing he wished he had more of was time._

_He saw Ohno less and less in their private time, despite living together. He had seen it happening with Sho and Aiba, but he hadn’t really thought it would be the same with them. But they had maintained separate lives before getting together, and even after, Jun was faced with the fact that they didn’t really have much in common. He would try to remember the things they used to do together, and come up with nothing – unless he counted Ohno coming to pick him up when someone called, because he had gotten too drunk to get himself home._

_He had tried very hard to work his schedule around Ohno’s, and that evening he finished earlier than usual, because he knew that Ohno would be free. He hadn’t been completely sure that he would finish in time, though, so he hadn’t told Ohno about it. Anyway, Ohno had shrugged and said, “sleep”, when Jun asked if he had any plans._

_But he was home alone, and he wasn’t sure where Ohno had gone to._

_Ohno never left behind any notes, and Jun was contemplating calling Ohno, or heading out himself, when he heard the front door open._

_He listened to the door closing, and Ohno’s shuffling footsteps at the genkan pausing, as if realizing that Jun was present._

_“I’m back,” Ohno said, tentative, as if he wasn’t really sure if he was talking to himself._

_“Welcome back,” Jun replied. “I thought you were going to stay home today, so I tried to finish early.”_

_“Oh.” Ohno looked down, shrugging a little. “Riki-kun asked if I wanted to have dinner with Toru and the whole gang, and I haven’t seen them in awhile, so…”_

_Jun remembered the people Ohno was talking about, but he was never really as close to them the way Ohno and Aiba were. He had always felt a little out of place with them. “I see. I guess you’d be too full for the food I brought back with me, then.”_

_Stepping closer, Ohno smiled. “When have I ever refused food?” he asked, but he seemed amused with something, which made Jun feel disconcerted. Jun tried to keep his expression nonchalant, though, as he mentioned having to reheat everything first, and suggesting movies they could watch together, or if Ohno preferred, they could go out, although – his words got stuck, and he started to stumble on them, when Ohno’s smile took on a different quality. “You’re so cute,” Ohno said, and Jun was amazed at how Ohno could say that with a straight face while looking so completely and endearingly cute himself. Then Ohno’s smile turned smug, like he knew what Jun was thinking, and he said it again. Ohno was only partly teasing, and even as part of Jun felt some distress at the description – he wasn’t cute, damn it, Ohno was – he was already moving forward towards the older man._

})i({ 

“Where’s Ohno?” Jun asked Sho, once Nino and Aiba were out of the room.

Sho looked uncertain. “Maybe you should give him some space before seeing him…”

“Where’s Ohno?” he asked again, ignoring Sho’s reply.

Sho opened his mouth as if to repeat his own words, but thought better of it. “I don’t know,” he confessed. “He walked off without saying anything.”

Jun turned to their manager, then – the only other who remained in the room. “Do you know where Ohno might be?”

“No one knows, Jun – weren’t you listening to me?” Sho spoke before their manager could answer. “Look, he just needs some time, I’m sure it’ll blow over, just like you said.”

Jun stared at Sho, then, who just looked back calmly. He turned to their manager, who looked bewildered, and still somewhat panicked.

He resisted a sigh, and nodded. “I’m leaving.”

“Jun-kun,” their manager said, his name rushing out of the man’s mouth quickly, like he was afraid Jun would disappear before he could speak. “It’s best if you don’t let yourself seen for awhile. Wait it out.”

Wait until the story was no longer fresh in people’s minds, Jun thought. He didn’t have time for that. He felt ridiculously calm, the way Sho was looking at him, making him feel steady, and his voice wasn’t shaky at all when he spoke. “I’ll be careful,” he said. 

It was the only thing he felt was safe enough to promise.

})i({ 

_Jun felt like all the important parts of his life were made of accidents, and chance. The fact that he was covering for a sick friend at the record store even when it wasn’t his shift, and happened to meet Aiba. The fact that Aiba and Nino managed to get him to audition for RedShift, even though neither of them had thought that he could actually play. The fact that Ohno happened to be there that night he had passed out alone in the bar Ohno worked at._

_It made him wonder about all the accidents that never got the chance to happen, and all the missed opportunities that had gone with it._

_Falling in love with Ohno was probably an accident, too, he sometimes thought. It wasn’t as if they were a good fit for each other. They were far from opposites – and they obviously got along – but it was still strange._

_It was a strangeness that he felt keenly on some nights, when he was out with his friends, and wished that Ohno had wanted to come along, that his friends were the type who would actually enjoy the company of someone like Ohno, who didn’t think that Jun being in RedShift was a phase, something Jun was going through before he would eventually “grow up.” He supposed that some of his friends might think the same about his relationship with Ohno, and he remembered why he had seen less of them after joining RedShift._

_They parted early, because a couple of them had families to go back to. Jun saw them off, waving cheerfully enough, and was about to head home when a familiar figure walked by him._

_Another friend, from another time._

_“Shun?”_

_“Heeeey.” Shun drew out the word as he turned to greet Jun. “Haven’t seen you in a long time.”_

_Jun shrugged. “Been busy.”_

_“I heard.”_

_“Where are you going?”_

_Shun was meeting some of their other friends at a bar Jun knew well, that Jun hadn’t seen the inside of in a long time. They talked for awhile, and Jun noted to himself that it was probably the first time he had a sober conversation with Shun – he had yet to decide whether or not it was a good thing – when Shun paused._

_“Do you want to come? It’ll be just like old times.”_

})i({ 

It had been years since Jun stepped into that particular bar. Part of it was because it was no longer a bar; two years ago it had been converted into a small diner. It was still frequented by some of the regulars, though, so it wasn’t really that much of an excuse.

At ten in the morning, the place was still empty, save for two women chatting at a table near the entrance, and a lone figure at the back of the place. Jun pulled his hat lower, obscuring his face, before heading towards that figure, and slipping into a chair next to the man.

“Ohno.”

Ohno seemed to tense, but didn’t look up at him.

“How’d you find me?”

“…I don’t know.” Jun shrugged. “I was thinking about the first time we met.” 

“We didn’t actually ‘meet,’” Ohno reminded him dryly.

“Oh, but we did.” A small corner of Jun’s lips lifted at the memory. “I talked your ear off, and you didn’t say a word while you kept pouring me drink after drink.”

Ohno’s voice was quiet. “I didn’t think you remembered.” He didn’t have to add the rest of his thoughts, because Jun knew. _You were too wasted_. 

“I’m sorry,” Jun said. He wasn’t just talking about the way they met, or even what Ohno must have thought of him. When Ohno didn’t immediately reply, he knew that Ohno knew.

})i({ 

_Aiba had been telling him about Sho’s mother, who was still trying to get Sho married off. There was no chance of that, of course, unless Sho was able to marry Aiba, somehow. The idea made Aiba laugh._

_“Actually, I don’t know if I would marry him even if I could,” Aiba said. “Things are fine the way they are.”_

_Jun agreed that Aiba seemed perfectly happy the way things were. It made him think, though, of the life he could have had. It was stupid, because he couldn’t remember a time when he wasn’t into guys, but he still had the vague idea that one day he’d be married, with kids. It was probably just the fact that it felt like what ought to happen, whether or not he actually wanted it._

_He knew that the thought was a fleeting one, and that once he was home, he would forget all about it. And it wasn’t like he didn’t have any inkling of what married life might be like – he’d been living with Ohno for years. Perhaps they had only been together for a short while, but they’ve been living in the same space much longer. He wasn’t a stranger to the occasional fights and cold wars, the incredulous disbelief when discovering something new (and weird) about each other, the way things just got comfortable, the times they might have taken each other for granted. So, wanting to be “settled”, which was how Aiba had put it, was far from his mind._

_Jun had brought Aiba along to meet with Shun again, but Aiba left early, after receiving a phone call from Sho. Shun had raised an eyebrow at that, and asked Jun if he, too, would go running after his boyfriend from just a phone call._

_It’s not like that, Jun thought of saying, thinking of how difficult it was to find free time together, that everything else started to become less important. Oh-chan wouldn’t call me up even if he’s suddenly free, he thought, perhaps with some wistfulness, because it was true. Ohno treasured his solitary moments about as much as Jun did. And, anyway, Sho and Aiba were different – that particular thought scared him as much as it relieved him._

_Sho and Aiba were different. They could handle the time, and the distance – they’ve gone through so much already._

_In the end he had just laughed and said that things were different with him and Ohno, and they haven’t even named or decided what it was that they had. Their relationship hadn’t actually changed, other than physically. What did that mean, anyway? Jun didn’t know. That was when it dawned on him, the thing that worried at him all this time – he didn’t have anything to hold on to, when it came to him and Ohno. Everything seemed to hang on faith, that they weren’t just a temporary thing, that they still would want the same things the next day, that they actually wanted the same things to start with._

_When Shun asked if he was free for the rest of the night, he said yes._

})i({ 

“What,” Ohno started to say, when he finally spoke. “What were you thinking?”

“Nothing,” Jun replied. “That is – I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking.”

Ohno shook his head. “I think you were over-thinking.” Jun looked at him, startled, and he offered Jun a small smile. “All the stupid things you’ve ever done, they come from over-thinking.”

“I’m sorry,” Jun said again, responding automatically. He looked at the table before Ohno, the tabloid that was still there. He wondered at the strangeness – if it had been Ohno, people might have made a few murmurs before forgetting the story. Nobody cared if the drummer of a band that was only starting to be known was seen leaving a hotel with a barely known gravure idol. But it was Jun, one of the two RedShift front men – his face, along with Sho’s, was more recognizable. His story would remain in circulation much longer, even if the situation would be handled, and things would be okay, mostly thanks to Sho.

Of course, the article neglected to mention that they had been staying at a suite, with Shun and many other acquaintances. Not that Shun’s party had been an entirely innocent affair, but – Jun hadn’t even known who the girl was, really. He didn’t tell Ohno any of it, because they sounded too much like excuses, and he knew he shouldn’t have even been there in the first place.

“Did you…?” Ohno left the question hanging, but Jun knew what he was asking.

“No.” Then, after a pause, “I barely even know her.”

Ohno nodded. Jun felt relief spreading in him, that Ohno believed him, but he knew that the fact that he had been there, and that he was careless enough for it to happen, were already strikes against him. “Are we still – us?” he asked.

He held his breath while Ohno mulled it over. When he replied, it was with another question. “Do you want to be?” Ohno’s voice seemed distant as he asked the question, and Jun wondered what he was thinking about. “It seems like you’ve been trying to escape this – us, lately.”

“I don’t know what ‘us’ means,” Jun confessed. His voice was soft, quiet, even though there was no one around to hear. There have been a few newcomers to the diner since he sat down, but they all preferred sitting at the front. “We never talked about this, before.”

“What do you think it means?”

“…I don’t know.”

“What do want us to be, then?”

“I don’t know.” Jun found himself getting irritated and embarrassed with the questions – his ears felt warm, and he wished he hadn’t said anything in the first place. He looked down, keeping his eyes trained on his hands, that suddenly felt bereft of occupation and were twisting at his shirt. He let it go, and ended up pulling off one of the rings he was wearing, twirling them in his hands. “What do you want?”

Perhaps Ohno felt the same about putting his feelings into words. But at least on the surface, he didn’t seem fazed at all. “I never really thought about it.”

“You never really thought about it.” He could feel some of the embarrassment fading, as irritation grew. He couldn’t stop thinking about it, and Ohno never gave their relationship a second thought.

“I just wanted to be with you,” Ohno said. Like it was the simplest thing in the world. Like Jun had never thought of it before. And even though it wasn’t, to Jun it was like hearing Ohno say it for the first time.

“Oh.” 

His ears were definitely warmer, and a part of him wondered if Ohno was enjoying his embarrassment. 

“And – I wanted you to want the same.”

Ohno was definitely enjoying it, he thought, as he raised his chin, and turned to look at the other man. 

He wasn’t looking back at Jun; he, too, was looking down – not at his hands, but at the magazine on the table. Jun remembered what Ohno had said, earlier.

_It seems like you’ve been trying to escape this – us, lately._

He wasn’t teasing, Jun realized. He really didn’t know – just as Jun hadn’t – if they were on the same page. If they wanted the same things. If Jun regretted the change in their relationship. Ohno had always seemed so together, so sure of things, that Jun had never considered him having the same doubts.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. Ohno seemed to flinch away from his words. “No, I meant – uhm. I’m sorry that you weren’t sure, before.” He kept his eyes on Ohno’s, and swallowed his reluctance, and his fear.

He had a lot of things to make up for, and they had a lot of things they needed to come clean about. He still didn’t know how it worked, how Ohno could still be the man who ended up being his best friend, and who was now much more. He still wasn’t sure what to call their relationship, if they were still house mates, band mates, best friends, boyfriends, lovers. He knew – and appreciated – that they would both still guard their private time jealously, and he didn’t mind. It only made the few things, and the time, that they shared all the more precious. Nothing could change with just one declaration, there would definitely be unsolved problems and remaining issues to talk about, but – somehow, it felt like everything had changed. Suddenly everything else was inconsequential, because if Jun got to talk to Ohno every day, and hear his laughter, and see his face, then everything else could be overcome. It was that simple.

So he took a deep breath before speaking, wondering why it had taken him so long to figure it out.

“I just want to be with you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was the very last RedShift story I wrote, for sesquerdo@LJ back in 2012. So... yes, no more surprise RedShift fics in the future.


End file.
